Halloween 2004


I know about frogs, but what is a girl seeking when she kisses a gator?

Today is October the oneth,
Which means we have entered that month
When plastic bones rattle
And sweet-hyped kids prattle
Of pumpkins and Halloween funth.

    --Steve Argyle, 10/1/04 (Can you tell I've been reading too much Dr. Seuss to Lindsay?)


    AHHHH RATS! Steve drew first blood. Well here then is my touche!

Nay, speak not such meaningless dribble
with toothless lips set a quibble,
For with spit and spray
all it seems that you say
is pthlobberbee phlibally phlibble.

    -- Marcus Vincent, 10/1/04 (October! The month for limericks! Yes! I love this tradition.)


    pthlobberbee phlibally phlibble???????????

Your verse, sir, with syllables treble,
Proclaims you a linguistic rebel.
While undoubtedly droll,
I can't help but extol
The use of Demosthenes' pebbles!

    -- Steve Argyle, 10/5/04


    or maybe this more halloween-like one . . .

What pew! Oh, the stench of that mere
where wafts a diaphanous fear.
 From the deeps she a-lofts
strangers' heads to lop off
then returns 'neath the surface to leer.

    -- Marcus Vincent, 10/7/04


    Oooooooooooooh!  That was a good one!
    Thanks for getting us back on the Halloween track.

An arid old mummy named Bob
Dozed off as he sat by the hob.
He now thinks it strategic
To be paraplegic
'Cause he burned both his legs down to knobs.

    - Steve Argyle, 10/8/04


    That really gave my sides a jolly laugh! Haaaa Haaah!
    Now, how about some gruesome tales. . .

In dark haunched the fetid marshwiggle
with glee did his jaundice eyes jiggle.
With your legs fast in mire
soon you too would expire,
so he hid there and did naught but giggle!

    - Marcus Vincent, 10/12/04

    Oo, Oo, I just had an apostrophe!

What tragedy! Such bodily gore!
His bowels strewn all over the floor!
His wife, so betrayed,
did him in with a blade
then went shopping for shoes at the store.

    - Booooo, . . Marcus too, Oh bother. . . (Marcus, 10/12)


    Marcus, you're becoming a limerick master! I fear you've bested me this round.

The horror film moguls agree
More blood equals more ticket fees.
So the shock value grew some
As the scenes got more gruesome
When they filmed "Halloween XXIII."

    - Steve (rather sheepishly; 10/13)


    Just so I don't feel left out, here is my feeble attempt

I knew a wet fellow named Jones
Who's locker was littered with bones
Folks call him Davey
And to visit him maybe
Your feet'll be tied up to stones.

    - Adam Argyle, 10/13


    Let me give it a whirl...

There was a great doctor named Atkins
Who said "Eat No Carbs for your fat-kins!"
How ironic, they say
When he wasted away
That now he's a diet for rat-kins.

    - Doug Argyle, 10/13


    Sorry for that.   Please accept an advance apology for this next one as well...

Bill is fed up with the weather
He grabs his coat and a boa of feather
Out the door with a whirl
To find a young girl
Then he'll come back and make her a sweater

    And for those who read the paper...

Petrarch the poet is dead
The tomb has been found, it is said
Now they've dug up his grave
with hoe, rake and spade
But it seems that he's misplaced his head.

    - Doug, 10/13


    Behold my sons! Are they not fine? Where else might you find such refined charnel house humor?
    Where is Shawn? He needs to get involved in the mayhem.
    For this one I must give a nod to E. A. Poe and H. P. Lovecraft.

An ancient, malevolent spectre
Crept past the asylum's protector
To the maid schizophrenic.
With dreams pathogenic
He gleefully hoped to infect her.

    - Steve, 10/14

    It is getting closer and closer to that dastardly day, that day of darkness
    and spooky things - election day. Oh, Yeah, Halloween is coming, too.

A Transylvania Night

Streak lightning flashed over the wreck,
The castle, no Lord, one'd suspect.
But the rain stirred such fright,
She went in for one night,
Then awoke with a pain in her neck.


Ghouls shrieked, and they bit, and they tore
Over lunch bowls they'd knocked to the floor.
Yelled one, "Why all the fuss!?
It is only green puss!!"
One peeped, "Please sir, could I 'ave s'more?"

    -Marcus, 10/22 (my apologies to Charles Dickens)


    Marcus, I'm having to work very hard to keep up with you this year.
    These latest efforts of yours are quite splendid.
    I have to thank Michelle for the wordplay that inspired this one.

A crafty, sutorian witch
Pulled snug the finishing stitch.
She trimmed with small nips
The thread through the lips
Then placed the fresh head in its niche.

    -Steve, 10/22

Well, the month of mirth has come and gone. It went too fast for my deeper relief. I missed the usual Dale doses of humor, but understand that he was moving house at the time. (Maybe we should have a New Year's reprise for him?) We'll just have to let the book close with just one last tug at the funny bone - -

If you ever think life is too dire
Or that love just makes us th' crier,
You'll need a quick fix!
So plot some rude tricks!
And light someone's sneakers on fire!


She left him no love and no hope,
He moaned, "Twas I such a big dope?"
Forsaken, the fool,
Gave a kick to the stool,
Then just swung at the end of his rope.

Oh, dear me, it is a rather dark rainy day today. Perhaps these are too glum.


PS:  I wonder if it works in Chinese?

Yo yi ge siao go jiao Peng,
Ta mei tian jwe de hen leng,
Wo jwa ta de fa
Er fang ta jin hwa
Hou, ta ting sya le, bu sheng.

Hey! it does work! Ah, yes, a translation - in rhyme?

There once was a little dog named Peng
Who always complained it too cold
I grabbed onto his hair
and threw him in the fire
afterwards, he stopped, dead.

OK, OK, OK, the rhyme is impossible with such short work, but the rhyme
does work in Chinese.

    -Marcus, 11/4

Amazing!  Absolutely amazing!  You've either invented an entirely new genre of poetry or rediscovered an ancient recipe for Cantonese hot dogs!

    -Steve, 11/4