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Adventure!
by Michelle Davidson Argyle
This was the day I started my new job. However, I quickly found that a
sinking feeling had settled into my stomach once I seriously began thinking
about the new job and all its possibilities, good and bad.
I woke up and took a shower while the sinking feeling in my stomach was still
pretty light. I took my time getting dressed, and looked at myself in the
mirror, thinking, "hey, at least I don't look nervous." I then made it to the
kitchen and pulled a piece of bread out of the refrigerator and slid it into the
toaster. When it was done, I spread some butter on the toast and attempted to
bring it to my mouth. The attempt was wasted nonetheless. I was too nervous.
About what, I wasn't quite sure, but I figured starting a new job can be nerve
racking for anyone.
On my way to my new job the nervousness began to go away. Hey, I could handle
anything! I made it into the building and to my boss' desk. We chatted for
awhile, he showed me around, led me into my office, and gave me some projects to
work on. Great. I was already busy. I could handle this. I thought I could,
anyway, right up until the air conditioning vent cover fell to the floor and a
swordsman the size of an adult China man jumped down. "HeyAH!" he yelled while
swinging his machete or sword or whatever it was through the air as soon as he
landed.
My fingers paused on the keyboard. "Um, who are you?" I stuttered, glancing
quickly toward my door which was closed. The China-man-looking-swordsman-guy
smiled as he dug the tip of his blade into the floor. "I am here to make your
day more exciting," he said loudly, and then let out a huge bellowing laugh. I
lurched forward in my chair. "Quiet!" I hissed. "I don't want to get fired. I've
only been here for three hours!" The man then reversed the tip of his blade
toward the ceiling and leaped off the broken air vent cover beneath his feet. I
glanced up and saw that a pale blue light was coming from the air vent itself.
"Come!" The man whispered as he stepped closer to my desk with his blade still
pointed upward. "Let's go."
"Go?" I hissed. "Go where?" I leaned back into my chair and folded my arms. "I
have work to do. I can't go anywhere."
The man grinned and showed a mouthful of very white, polished teeth. He must
have brushed that morning because a fresh minty smell wafted toward me as soon
as he smiled. "Oh, that's just STUFF," he sighed. "You don't want to bother with
that. Let's go." He reached across the desk, took hold of my wrist with a very
strong grip, and yanked me as hard as he could out of my chair, across my desk,
and to the floor on the other side. I cringed when my monitor crashed to the
floor with me. "You idiot!" I whispered loudly. "Look at what you did! How am I
ever going to explain all this racket if somebody comes in here!"
The man grinned once more. "You won't have to." He swung his sword or machete or
whatever it was through the air. "I will smite them with this!" He laughed. "No
more worries for you! He-He!"
At that moment, the phone rang. Now who on earth would be calling me at this
moment in time? I sighed and began to raise myself off the floor in order to
reach for the phone, but the man pulled me back. "No...." he giggled. "No
answering the phone. You come with me." He jerked a crooked thumb toward the air
vent. "Up there."
Well, it seemed I had no choice. The man seemed unstable enough to slice my head
off with his machete or sword or whatever it was, so I wasn't about to argue
with him. I lifted myself off the floor and followed the man's instructions to
step under the vent and take his free hand, which I did. We immediately rose
into the air and up through the vent. After this, I thought, what could ever
seem strange?
Once we were into the vent, or alternate universe, I might put it, we landed on
a soft tuft of very green grass. I could barely see my shoes for how deep the
grass was, but no bother, since we then stepped onto some cement. I took a look
around.
The swordsman and I were standing on what seemed a sidewalk lining a very busy
New York-looking street. There were yellow cabs zooming by, black limousines,
brand new SUVs, and even some trucks covered with mud and filled with barking
dogs in the truck beds. Besides the street traffic, there was sidewalk traffic,
too. But these were no ordinary people, I quickly discovered. Instead of
businessmen and tourists, there were Tiger Tamers and Fire Jugglers, Elephant
Riders and Flying Monkeys (you know, like the ones from The Wizard of Oz?), Tree
Cutters with chain saws, Bread Bakers with rolling pins, Seven-Feet Tall Men
walking on ten-foot stilts, Unicycle Riders and Diving Board Divers, Deep Sea
Fisherman and Quilting Grannys with eight-foot knitting needles, Ring Makers and
Ginger Bread Bakers, Fire Breathing Rhinos and Air Swimming Fish! I could could
go on and on, but what would be the point! I was seeing it all, and my mind
began to reel.
"Mr. uh, Swordsman, Sir," I began. "I, uh, I'm confused. Where are we? And why
have you brought me here?"
The man pointed his chin toward the sky. "Well, to make your day more exciting,
of course! What more could you want?" He turned, and still holding my hand,
dragged me through the crowd toward a tall building made of what looked like
millions of gumdrops glued together. When we reached the building, I looked up
and gasped. The building was the tallest I had ever seen. I could see the top
bending ever so slightly to the right, submitting to the forces of gravity.
"Come," the man said, and yanked me through the doors. Once inside, I looked
around and half-smiled. Inside, it was an exact replica of the building in which
I had just started working.
"Well this is nice," I gulped. "If you want my day to get more exciting, why on
earth would you bring me here?"
The man sighed and threw his hands in the air. Literally, too, his hands flew
from his body about twenty feet in the air, did five summersaults, and landed
back onto his wrists. I tried to keep my mouth from dropping as he started
yelling. "Because I'm going to give you a CHOICE!" he screamed. "Do you WANT
your job? Do you WANT your humdrum everyday drive-to-work
sit-at-your-desk-ALL-day JOB or do you want ADVENTURE!" His voice was getting
increasingly loud, and I had to fight to keep my hands from covering my ears. He
leaned forward, his head reaching to about my abdomen. "WELL!?" he yelped.
I looked him in the eyes and placed my hands on my waist, thinking. Hmm, that
was a tough one. "Adventure?" I squeaked, and the man raised his machete or
sword whatever it was high into the air. "Yes! Now scream it! Yell it!"
"ADVENTURE!"
I suddenly wanted my own machete or sword to swing into the air. I wanted to
whoop and holler. I felt like a new person suddenly handed the moon without a
clue what to do with it. I wanted the high seas in the Caribbean or a helicopter
over a war-infested jungle. I wanted guns and swords and parachutes and
grenades. I wanted James Bond cars and a speed boat in the Amazon. I wanted a
tomb in Egypt and mummies that came to life. I wanted to run from bullets and
laser beams, and maybe even race through the stars on the Starship Enterprise.
Who wouldn't!
The man motioned for me to follow him, and so I did. We walked past the front
desk and the elevators, and even the stairs that went UP. Instead, we went to
the stairs that went DOWN. "Now," the man began as he sheathed his machete or
sword or whatever it was, "we are about to enter the Forbidden Basement. This is
a place that in your universe, is open only to janitors and the Bravest of
Souls. In this universe, however, you will see that the Forbidden Basement is
forbidden because it is a place of initiation. Only those who have not entered
it before are allowed." He paused for a moment, then shrugged. "And, of course,
those who are escorting them."
As we began to descend the stairs, I detected the faint scent of limes and
sugar. "Why..." I began, but the man at my side put a finger to his lips. "Hush!
We're passing through the Lime Sector. This entire building is made up of
gumdrops." He smacked his lips. "The Forbidden basement is where the gumdrops
are manufactured by machines. Every year the builders add a new story to the top
of the building. Next year the flavors will be lime and cinnamon." He scrunched
his nose. "Horrible combination."
I kept my mouth shut and continued to descend the stairs. I couldn't see a thing
since it was nearly pitch black, but my feet were finding the stairs all right.
We finally came to level ground, and I saw that to our right was a shut door.
Through the cracks was a pale green light that didn't look too inviting. "What's
behind there?" I asked.
"The place we are going," the man answered. He reached forward and pulled the
door open. We both stepped into the room which I immediately recognized as a hen
house! We were standing in the midst of a giant hen house lined with rows and
rows of hay-and-chicken-filled shelves. All the chickens, or hens I should say,
were resting soundly. In the center of the room was a giant bin filled with hay,
and on top of the hay lay nearly ten dozen white eggs (which looked green, of
course, under the green florescent lights). "Take one," the man ordered. "Take
an egg."
I walked toward the bin, stopped at the edge, and reached forward to take an
egg. It was warm in my hands, and felt very delicate. "Now," the man sighed.
"Crack it over your head." I turned and looked at him incredulously. "What do
you want me to do?"
"Crack the EGG over your HEAD," the man hissed, nervously glancing around at the
hens and gripping the hilt of his machete or sword or whatever it was.
"Okay, okay," I said quickly, and raised the egg to my head. I gently whacked it
against the top of my skull, cringing. To my amazement, nothing happened. At
least I didn't think anything had happened. I was beginning to believe nothing
had, when, like a fortune cookie, a thin slip of paper floated to the ground. I
reached down to pick it up. "Read that," the man said, "and you will have your
adventure."
I slowly opened the folded slip of paper and scanned the contents: 'Your
ADVENTURE will be to save mankind.' I looked up. "That's it?" I addressed to the
man. "To save mankind? What am I going to save him from?"
The man looked me blankly in the face. "How should I know? That's the
adventure." He looked as if he were trying to stifle a laugh, but turned and
motioned for me to follow him once more. We exited the hen house through another
door, and stepped into what appeared to be a meat freezer. There were rows and
rows of stainless steel shelves stacked tightly with every kind of cut of beef,
chicken, pork, veal, who knows what else. The man did not stop in the freezer
(good thing, too since it must have been cold enough to give me frost bite
within twenty minutes), but led me through another door into a kitchen that
resembled something as neat and tidy as a cooking show set.
"Here," the man said after stopping next to the stove, "is where you will
discover your Adventure." I stared down at the stovetop in awe. Nothing was
there, but from the oven itself came the succulent scent of roast beef. Since I
hadn't been able to eat breakfast, I was starving. My stomach growled. "Well,"
the man said. "Aren't you going to discover your Adventure?"
"How?" I asked stupidly, and watched as the man rolled his eyes. He took my hand
and placed it palm down on one of the burners. Thankfully, it wasn't hot. "Just
keep your hand there," he sighed. I did as he said, and within a few seconds, I
found my eyes closing and my body leaning slightly forward.
When I opened my eyes I was sitting at my desk in my office. I glanced at the
air vent on the ceiling; it was intact, my monitor was intact and sitting where
it should be on top of my desk, and I was intact except for a burning sensation
in my fingers. The next day I went out and bought a machete or sword or whatever
it is, and hung it on my wall.