Quick Check Guide to Criticism
by Dr. John L. Lund
The Art of Giving Criticism
Step One:
Before you speak, ask yourself two questions:
1. Is the criticism a part of my stewardship or my business?
2. Is the criticism not only true, but is it necessary?
Step Two:
If the answer to either one of the foregoing questions is “NO” then BACK OFF! If the answer to BOTH questions is “YES”, then proceed with the following:
3. Ask for and receive permission to criticize.
4. Be alone with the one being criticized at a mutually agreeable time and place.
5. Be in emotional control and logically explain your concern. No yelling, crying, swearing, physical or emotional intimidation. NOTE: If the person giving the criticism cannot divorce his/her feelings from the criticism, then the criticism should be written down rather than verbally delivered.
6. Stay focused on the issue or behavior. Do not attack self-worth. Separate the issue from their self-esteem.
Step Three:
Affirm their worth to you.
The Art of Receiving Criticism
Step One:
1. STOP! Immediately remove your EGO from the issue or behavior being criticized.
2. LOOK at the person.
3. LISTEN. Do not defend, make an excuse, or apologize. Don’t speak, LISTEN.
Step Two:
Write it down where you can evaluate it.
Step Three:
Feed it back without emotion.
Step Four:
Excuse yourself from an immediate response and set a time and place to respond.
Step Five:
Evaluate the criticism and your resources for dealing with it: i.e. time, energy, will.
Step Six:
Respond at the appointed time and place. The response will fall into one of three categories:
1. I will change.
2. I disagree and this is why …
3. I will not change because I am unwilling or unable to do so. (NOTE TO PERSON GIVING CRITICISM: If the person receiving the criticism gives this answer, then THE DISCUSSION IS OVER!)