A Missionary's Tale

by Dale Neibaur, 1975

Once upon a time
(And about twice on page 247)
There lived in Suwa a poor young missionary
Named Neibaur Choro.
One day Neibaur Choro was visited by two young ladies
Who wanted help with a Christmas card.
They were from the Chamber of Commerce
(Or so they said)
And he helped them.
Then, because it ws his birthday, they helped him
And gave him a birthday cake.
He was very happy.

They also called him on the phone the next day
And the next,
Which left him a little less happy
And a lot more confused
Than when they were just over
To get help on a Christmas card.
Obviously they were after more
Than "Merry Christmas" and a forged signature,
But what?

They came one day and said they wanted to hear
about the church,
So he told them.
Then they said they didn't really want to hear it
All that bad, they just wanted to
"Talk"
And wouldn't dinner taste good?
Well, he wasn't too hungry and
Besides he couldn't go on dates
But they said that was okay because
They'd make dinner and bring it to him
And what day would be best?
He said he had to work
And besides, it would be too much bother
But they were anxious to help and be
"Friends."

He didn't want to hurt any feelings, so
He said Thursday was preparation day and
Maybe that day but
Not this week because
He was going to Matsumoto; and
They said maybe next year since they had to
Work the next Thursday and the one after that
Was Christmas.
He thought that was fine because
He wouldn't be here next year but
He didn't tell them that. And so
They parted as
Friends.

But that didn't end it, because
That night when he came home he found
A huge box of apples with
His name on it (in Japanese and English
So no one would mistake who it was for).
A box of apples calls for
A conference to decide what to do,
And everyone decided missionaries definitely didn't
Need boxes of apples from crazy young women,
So maybe it would be best to give them back
Except --
If he did it would be really rude,
Even worse in Japan than America.
So they ate them.

Meanwhile the girls called again
And said they'd decided to hear more
About the church.
What could the missionaries do?
Plenty.
The meeting was Monday, so Sunday
They explained the problem to two Japanese
Sister missionaries, and together they devised
A cunning plan
To thwart the two.
It worked too;
Almost.

The girls came, and Neibaur Choro
and Gardner Choro
Took them upstairs and talked for a moment.
Then the sisters came, and the two missionaries
Introduced them to each other
And left for Okaya city:
A nice, safe place
Five miles away.
The two young women were very surprised
And not too happy
That it was the sister missionaries teaching,
And not Neibaur Choro,
But they couldn't do much about it.
And Neibaur Choro
And Gardner Choro
Laughed clear to Okaya
Because they were sure the two
Didn't really want to hear the gospel,
And they were sure they wouldn't be back.
They were wrong.

When they got back from Okaya
Late that night
They found a full meal spread on the table
And with the meal a note that said
"Good Night, Baby!"

Neibaur Choro is worried.
He doesn't know what to do now.
Maybe just hold his breath
And wait for transfers.
But every time he eats one of the apples
He thinks of the two young women
And reflects on the trouble that started
When Adam ate an apple
From Eve.

[This is copied from my first missionary journal, written about a week before Christmas, 1975. I'd been in Japan since early April, and I was still in my first city, a beautiful town called Suwa built on hills surrounding a small lake. I was transferred just after I wrote this; I was moved from the countryside to the heart of Tokyo just two days before Christmas.

"Choro" is Japanese for "Elder", and carries the connotation of "wise old man". I sometimes used the Japanese Kanji "Nai" and "Ba" to represent my name; the "Nai" meant "missing", and the "Ba" meant "teeth". So I was "old man, no teeth" in Japan. I got some strange looks!

The apples were really good.]